Countdown the Destruction
by Jazzmaster
Summary: After being cut from the WWE as though he were no better than a Tough Enough contesant Eric Bischoff plans his revenge.


Theodore Long and Rodney Mack had decided to go for a walk along the beach. In between staring at white people as though they were retards, Long would tell Mack that he was great. He would tell Mack that the reason he wasn't already World champion was because the white people were holding him back. He neglected to tell him that it was just one man (HHH) who was responsible.  
  
"Hey guys - can I join you?"  
  
"Go away D-Lo, it's no longer Down with the Brown - it's Back the Mack!" said Long to D-Lo, who had been following them around for hours.  
  
"Yeah, Back the Mack! I don't get paid ridiculous amounts for ridiculously little work," said Mack.  
  
"After that incident with Al Snow's neck I doubt you'll get paid period," retorted D-lo (with trademark D-Lo head-shaking.)  
  
"It was Al Snow's ass, not his ne- oh no, you mean THAT incident," said Mack. "The breaking of Al Snow's neck is the best thing that could happen to the WWE," chipped in Theo, clearly upset that he hadn't spoken in several seconds. D-Lo looked longingly at his former manager (or whatever the hell he was) for a moment before lowering his head and walking away to a job elsewhere (ie nowhere).  
  
Teddy watched D-Lo go and felt just a little sad about the loss of 'The Brown'. D-Lo had after all had the advantage of not being married to Jazz that Mack lacked (since he was married to Jazz.) Mack noticed the momentary break of character Theo was suffering. Realising things like regret were not acceptable emotions in WWE characters - who should be 2-dimensional at all times - he decided to do something to cheer his mentor up.  
  
"How about an ice-cream?" asked the Mack noticing a nearby van.  
  
"That sounds great player," said Theodore while looking at a fat white child in disgust.  
All the WWE superstars were gathered in a large hall, sitting in chairs facing a stage. The obvious exceptions were Rodney Mack (on suspension) and Theodore Long (who didn't actually have a job that anyone was aware of.) On this stage was Al Snow who stood next to Tazz.  
  
"Okay, this is something I take no pleasure in doing, but in a desperate attempt to increase ratings, WWE stars will now be cut, one a week, as if they were no better than common dogs or Tough Enough contestants," explained Al.  
  
"It was a tough decision. Personally I wanted half the roster cut," said Tazz coldly. The WWE roster began booing as though they actually were the 'fans' of wrestling they claimed they still were despite their occupation, pay-checks, poor company and awful quality of life. "Sorry, that wasn't right. I meant I wanted seven-eighths of the roster cut."  
  
"I say cut everyone except HHH," said a voice that sounded rather like HHH trying to sound nothing like HHH.  
  
"I THINK YOU SHOULD CUT BROCK LESNAR!!!" suggested Paul Heyman in his quietest voice.  
  
A hand shot up in the air.  
  
"GM's are exempt from being cut, right?"  
  
"No Eric, they are not," replied Al. "Now if you'll all shut up, the first person to be cut is..."  
"What can I get you gentleman?" asked the ice-cream seller, who was none other than Al Wilson. Theodore Long seemed to be doing his best to avoid speaking or looking at Al.  
  
"Two vanilla ice creams please," requested the Mack.  
  
"Vanilla ice-creams? What the hell is wrong with you? Have I taught you nothing? We want chocolate ice-cream player," said Theodore before he finally looked at Al. "Wait a minute - aren't you dead?"  
  
"That was just a scam so Dawn Marie and I could live in peace away from that bitch Torrie," drawled Al.  
  
"Torrie seems like a nice girl," said Rodney (quietly, in case Jazz heard him).  
  
"What are you talking about player? Torrie seems like a WHITE girl," said Theodore disapprovingly. Al handed over the two chocolate ice-creams.  
  
"She's actually an evil demon," said Al casually. "Now, can I get you two anything to drink?"  
  
"Two white coffee's please," said the polite Mack.  
  
"WHITE COFFEE!? It don't get much whiter than that!" exclaimed Theo.  
"WHAT!? YOU CAN'T CUT ME!? Don't you know who I am? I'm Eric Bischoff. It's time get in line 'cause I'm gonna make some changes."  
  
"Well make them from your position of unemployment," said Al. Three Minute Warning grabbed Eric's arms and removed him from the building.  
  
"I really wanted to cut Bill DeMott, but that had much more comedic value," chuckled Tazz.  
After the cutting, Billy Kidman was placed back in his fiery cage, where Torrie made him live.  
  
"Huh, I doubt it'll be very long before you get cut Billy," she said before using a knife to slice some skin from Billy's nose.  
  
"Please stop," begged Billy.  
  
"Now you stay here and be a good boy while I go pose in the nude for those sad little boys out there. In the meantime I'll leave you to watch Three Minute Warning matches back to back while their music plays over... and over... and over."  
  
"Help me someone!"  
Eric hadn't taken the news of his 'cutting' very well at all. He was pacing about outside WWE headquarters, thinking of a plan. He could always get a job at NWA-TNA... but he realised he still had SOME dignity left and ruled it out. Then it came to him - he would kill the WWE. He would kill everyone on the roster, wipe them from the face of the earth like... snot from his nose.  
  
"Oh I'm back," chuckled Eric. "And more psychotic than ever." 


End file.
